The title of the post is a little bit deceiving but my hangover is not coming from beer or wine, i wish it really was. My hangover is coming from a pain deep inside, from what i feel, endurance and patience i have to go through before i get to a place of my breakthrough. its coming from inferiority, self esteem and rejection, almost leading to depression.
This scenario is what I’ve had to go through almost every night even as i am typing this. I might be having insomnia because no matter how bad i stress my self, or how tired i am, i don’t seem to sleep early. I spend these sleepless hours browsing through social media pages, looking at people who are better off or people who don’t try too hard. this hungover on Sunday morning made me miss church, i didn’t see the need to. i told friends who called in from church that i wasn’t feeling too well, they thought i was sick or down with malaria and they kept checking on me, they didn’t know it was more of a personal problem. bitterness was rooted in me, I’ve had to put myself on the receiving end of the laughter and mockery coming from people who i thought should be more supportive than they already were. my mom came into my room and asked why i didn’t go to church, look, my parents knew i was a church person, i mean i carefully ironed my dress on early Saturday night with a deep conviction that i was going to church the next morning before i swung in to pain and bitterness.
my struggle with inferiority started years ago. its deceit to most people who will eventually read this because i come off as a strong person, they feel what people say or think hardly get to me, i mean I’m usually the adviser and the quick to quote scriptures of encouragement to some other person going through what i am, but what they don’t know is that deep inside, i’m vulnerable.
As i was laying on that bed on Sunday morning, i decided to listen to TD JAKES which i talked about in this post here the topic of the message was ‘GO BLIND’. I was not sure why i got moved in my spirit to listen to that sermon but it helped me get out of my misery. I’m going to lay out some points that made me jump out of my bed almost immediately. firstly, it made me realize that every single step i take in pursuing my dream is a blessing. i started counting my blessing and all that i had, this includes the step of posting on the blog, every outfit inspiration or style idea that has ever popped into my head is a blessing. i want you to start up by counting your blessing, and see how much you have. I’m a christian more to say a believer, but one mistake I’ve always made is that i have not always believed i could talk to God as a friend and get a reply, i always pray in the formal manner i had always known in my life but on that Sunday morning, i talked to God, i told him all my struggles and withheld absolutely nothing and boy did i get an answer? sure i did! i got that encouragement, he said i should remember how it was in the past, ho he has single handedly provided for whatever i have needed but how did i easily forget all that?
If you’re currently going through what i explained, then you have a way out. stop complaining and murmuring, don’t commit suicide yet, just talk to God. if you have a relationship with him, you will definitely get the answer but if you don’t have a relationship with him, you shouldn’t expect a feedback. God is not a therapist that you pay to get answers from. get into a relationship with him today and see how things will turn around
hey guys, i know its a pretty long read but Monday inspiration is a segment i introduced today to share along my life experiences and how I’ve had to deal with them. i hope you like this. share your thoughts with me below!
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